First off. If the titles annoy you, then write the fucking session reports yourself!
We left the last session in the middle of a fight with an adult green dragon. This was resolved fairly quickly in this session as the Dragon ran away. We could have probably chased it (it seemed to have a fly speed of 12, whereas Linden’ speed is 14 if he double moves – but then he wouldn’t be able to attack) but it seemed sensible to leave it.
We discovered a skeleton which Sonliin claimed as his own and strapped to hsi back. He called it Mikel/Michael/Mika it seemed to change as the evening wore on.
Arjan, spotted a hole under a rock and discovered a cache of treasure!
We carried on through the forest and came across a maze. We let Arjan go first and he was attacked by vines, so the rest of us decided that seeing as he is the beefiest and definitely the most capable of handling himself that we’d let him fin the way and then we’d follow him. Unfortunately we also forgot that he’s also the dumbest member of the party…
After a little while Birdseye and Linden ventured into the maze but Sonliin stayed behind. In the maze we came across dead people. Each dead person had a journal (see below). Satyrs appeared and were aggressive. After a bit of time Sonliin tried setting fire to the vines, but that made them bigger. he then joined us and came across an aggressive Unicorn. As he didn’t speak Elven (which is the Unicorn’s natural language), he used Mage Hand to tickle the Unicorn’s testicles to try and soothe it. Amazingly this seemed to work. After more fun in the maze with satyrs, vines grabbing people (well Birdsye in particular), we managed to gather all of the jounrals from the dead people.
One of the journals asked for the journal to be returned to her father via a trinket in her pocket. Linden obliged and then as if by magic a father appeared [2GP for whoever understands that reference). He insulted us as the people who didn’t save Kraler (he was one of the survivors). We then discovered this guy was a triple hard bastard, so we were left wondering why he didn’t save the town if he was so fucking awesome. Definitely potential villain material.
Once he went, we settled down for an extended rest. I’ve shortened the session report quite a bit, to accommodate the journal entries (FUCK I seem to have missed one. There are only 9 entries below!!!), but the Maze was the big part of the night and was a lot of fun.
The Journal of Black Hearted Beatrice
“Day 1: An ancient legend tells of a great Necrotic spell that is inscribed on a rock in a forest of Death. As this forest is known as the Evergreen Death, logic would dictate I come here. The Wood Woads don’t appreciate my presence. They blame me for the trees that others have cut down. So I steal the very life force from the fools. MWAHAHA!”
“Day 2: I have been to the very heart of this forest, but there is no spell on the rock. Perhaps I was wrong. There are other dead forests in Galyana, perhaps one of those has what I seek. I will set out to Kraler at dawn, to review the sacred texts, and canvas the inbred hicks. In the meantime, I shall feast on the flesh of this dead Dragon.”
“Day 3: I have discovered the secret to dealing with these pesky Vines. They are harmed by Necrotic energy. It’s times like this I’m proud to have taken the path of Necromancy. Suck it vines. I am more powerful than you. I just wish I could find those damnable Unicorns. It must be mating season. Noisy beasts. I would enjoy killing them. Unicorn parts are good for magic, and quite valuable to sell. Especially Unicorn Blood. Well, it does grant an extended life. And it heals wounds very well. I shall collect several vials of that too. Bollocks to the ‘Curse of Unicorn Blood’.”
The Journal of Wendy the Well Wicked
“Day 1: I heard a rumour that a family of Green Dragons live here. I surely hope so. It is my dream to slay one of each species. I have killed Blue Dragons, White Dragons and Black Dragons. I would dearly love a Green Dragon’s head to accompany those on the wall of my home. But today, I have only seen Eladrin. They were none too happy to see me. Of course, now they see nothing at all, not with daggers in their eyes. The last one died not even an hour ago. That is what happens when you cross Wendy the Well Wicked.”
“Day 2: I’m getting warmer. I’ve seen evidence of Dragons. From the tracks, I make 3. Two adults and a child. Some Centaurs tried to ambush me, so I deprived them of their manhood, and then of their intestines. I hear Centaur Penis is an excellent aphrodisiac. To bed now, I have a full day of Dragon slaying ahead.”
“Day 3: That did not go according to plan. Everything went as I had strategized, until that cursed White Dragon showed up. His tail broke two of my ribs. But the Green Dragons did not seem to appreciate his help. While they were distracted, I slew one of the adults. I’m assuming it was the father. The female was furious at his death, and I could only make off with one of his fangs. The White Dragon fled the scene as well. Perhaps in the morning I shall try again.”
“Day 4: Curse my luck! I have become lost in this infernal maze. The beasts that lurk within keep turning me around. I have become completely disorientated. Worse still, I thought that fire would kill the vines, or at the very least, repel them. But fire only encourages the vines, makes them stronger. Now they have had a taste of my blood, they seem to follow me everywhere. I regret not learning the Arcane ways. I could use protection right about now. I can feel my body turn numb. And there is something else, something crawling up my body. OH GOD!!” (nothing more can be read, for the page is stained with blood).
The Journal of Umbra the Unfortunate
“Day 1 My word, I really am unfortunate. I was heading towards the Cave of Life, but somehow I got lost in this forest. I must have picked up the wrong map. I have no idea where I am, or how to get to the cave from here. Worse still, I’m being hunted by Gnomes. There are so many of them. I don’t have any bolts left in my crossbow now. I should have brought my sword with me. Oh hang on, I need to take a leak in these strange moving bushes.”
The Journal of Barbie Bimbokins
“Why is there red wine coming out of my chest where that little man poked me? And why doesn’t it taste like wine?
The Journal of Sephrin, Shadow of Death
“Day 1: I have been hired to assassinate a woman, a Cleric, who has information that my employers don’t want known. I have travelled to this backwater town of Kraler, where I am told she earns a living as a member of the Watch. It is strange. So far, all of the Watchmen I have seen have been Warforged. She must be the only human. This piques my curiosity. There must be something special about her indeed if she was recruited into a Warforged-only service.”
“Day 2: I have been contacted by my employers again. They have informed me to be wary of the Mayor and the Tavern’s Barman. Both are said to be skilled fighters and could fail my mission if they discovered my purpose for being here. They know that I have come through the Cave of Life. The Cave’s magic still lingers on me. I should not have to maintain my facade for much longer.”
“Day 3: My employers contacted me once more. They tell me that they intend to lay seige to this hick town and annihilate everyone within. I have seven days to complete my assignment and leave, or else risk being killed along with everyone else here. It would appear that I am expendable. That is precisely the kind of information I could have used prior to this assignment. I am beginning to regret working for the Shadow Legion.”
“Day 4: A group of travellers from out of town arrived today. They were a strange group. It seems unusual for an adventuring party to have TWO wizards. I cannot fathom the logic behind it so far. But I feel I soon will. The group seemed to head straight for the tavern, where they set about drinking their fill, and regailing these simple townspeople with stories (most likely exaggerated ones) about their adventures. From what I can tell, they met in Baldur’s Gate, and were part of that cursed group, the Harpers. There is one among the group who interests me: The Dragonborn Wizard. Such unusual appearance. I have never seen a Dragonborn with scales or eyes like that. I need to brush up on my Dragonborn Lore. After my mission of course.”
“Day 5: The Harpers have gone. The Mayor approached them this morning, asked them to head to the Tower. Some problem that had been affecting the town was tracked back there. The group were enthusiatic to get started. I overheard the conversation. Sounds to me like the work of Black Dragons. Young ones at that. If the Harpers’ boasts are true, this’ll be a piece of cake for them. The Mayor didn’t even notice me there. Apparently running a town of inbreds is exhausting.”
“Day 8: I have been following the target for quite some time now. Every morning, she takes a stroll to the edge of the nearby forest. The Evergreen Death as the hicks call it. Ha. They are just too weak to survive it. I will follow the Cleric into the forest tomorrow. She will not return this time. On another note, it would appear that the group of Harpers is dead. Except for that Dragonborn. He joined a new group of adventurers and they went out to the tower. Maybe the Dragonborn betrayed his colleagues. Maybe that’s what the unusual colourings indicates: insanity.”
“Day 9: That bitch of a Cleric must have known I was after her. Fortunately, I cut off her retreat. She could only go deeper into the forest. But not before wounding me with a parting shot. I’ll have to watch out for the crossbow in future. She does not seem well suited to the forest though, which will play to my advantage. If I can push her towards the heart of the forest, I should be able to trap her and move in for the kill.”
“Day 10: Curse that White Dragon! Where did it even come from? I was about to complete my mission. Perhaps I still did. The wound I inflicted on the Cleric may not have been immediately fatal, but hopefully she will be picked off by wolves. Even if she isn’t, she will not make it out of the forest. But neither will I. The Dragon’s last blow was a serious one. I do not have the strength to escape, and my Potion of Healing was spilled onto the forest floor. That was one smart Dragon. Hmph. I can hear screams in the distance. Kraler must be under seige. At least I escaped their fate. That provides me with some small consolation.”
The Journal of Magic Aaron, Senior Wandmaker of Kraler
“Day 1: I have come to this marvelous yet deadly forest in search of the Great Abrawood Trees. These trees are the best source of wandwood, yet they are so rare and well protected. But desperate times have forced me to search them out. My business faces collapse. I mistakenly purchased wands from a shady looking fellow after drinking copious amounts of Drunken Jerry’s Brain Killing Super Whiskey. In the morning, after waking up to find I had slept with the town slut yet again, and after the hangover had passed, I discovered that the wands (which I had been assured were made from Abrawood), were in fact made of the similar yet far inferior Flopsywood. These wands have a habit of backfiring, and bursting into flames.”
“Day 2: I have noticed that I’m being followed by Wood Woads. They must want to punish me for a crime I have not commited. Fotunately, they are keeping their distance from me. Perhaps they sense I am a wizard. Perhaps it has something to do with that disreputable Necromancy I found lying dead on the ground. From the looks of it, she had tried to interrupt a pair of Unicorns mid coitus. Judging by the hoofprint directly over her heart, they were understandably unappreciative of her rudeness.”
“Day 3: I have found something much better than Abrawood: Dragon bones. These will make spectacular wands. I cannot believe my luck. No creatures have attacked me, no traps have ambushed me, and I stumbled across this convenient Dragon corpse. If my luck holds out, I shall be back in Kraler by tomorrow evening, and a new batch of Dragonbone wands will be ready for sale the following morning. My business is saved! Wait! What was that shadow?”
The Journal of Tobias the Flatulent.
“Day 1: I have come to the Evergreen Death in search of the legendary treasure that is rumoured to lie here. So far, I have only found Gnomes. Seventeen of the little blighters attacked me today, and now all are dead. I have a few scratches from them, but it’s nothing. At dawn, I will push deeper into the forest, the treasure is said to lie in the heart.”
“Day 2: Still no sign of the treasure yet. More Gnomes attacked me. Three and Twenty Gnome carcasses now bleed into the forest floor. A few more injuries, but I can handle it. I doubt that I will sleep well tonight: I can hear larger creatures crashing through the forest. The campfire seems to be keeping them away. For now.”
“Day 3: DRAGONS!! TWO DRAGONS GUARDING THE TREASURE!! Gnomes I can handle but a mother dragon and her child?! Forget it. No treasure is worth my life. It’s a miracle I escaped. The mother dealt a parting blow. Of sorts. Her breath smells terrible. I can’t stand to eat, I can still taste her breath. On a positive note, no Gnomes today.”
“Day 4: Blasted Dragon bitch. Only now do I realise her breath was poisonous. I cannot stand, I cannot weild my sword. Even writing in this journal is a chore. My end is near. I only hope that these vicious vines claim me before I endure the humiliation of death at the hands of Gnomes.”
The Journal of Poor Marksman Harry
“Day 1: Curse my poor marksmanship. I came to this forest in the hopes of hunting a Unicorn. Instead, I shot myself in the foot. The arrow is wedged in the ground. I cannot move. I’m going to try to light a fire with a flaming arrow. 5,432nd time lucky?”
The Journal of Unhue Jarse, the Tavern Keeper’s daughter
“Day 1: My habit of spying on the tavern guests has paid off again. I uncovered that evil bitch’s intention. She wants the Unholy Spell. My father had told me it was only a myth. Well, myth or no, I’m going to see to it that she never finds the spell. I have successfully convinced a group of Eladrin to help me. They know of the spell as well, and have sworn to stop it from being discovered.”
“Day 2: I have found the rock. The inscription is there, just as the legend says. Or rather, it was there. I poured acid over it, corroding that Demonic Curse out of existence. I then washed the acid away with water, and revived the grass at the bottom of the rock that had been killed. My work was delayed however by the Dragonslayer. I couldn’t let her get away with murder, so I called out to Cyraxis II. Unfortunately, I was unable to save the father.”
“Day 3: Oh no. I’ve taken a wrong turn and stumbled into the Maze of the Hungry Vines. I don’t have the ability to fend them off. How ironic. I seek to end Necromancy, and find myself in need of it. I have found a “safe zone” however. Ancient magic was once placed over the entire forest, but its power has dwindled over the centuries. I have camped out by the source of the spell. In the morning, I must attempt a hasty exit, or else I will die horribly. I have tried to contact my father for rescue, but the Dark Magic that spawned these carnivorous vines is also disrupting my magic."
“Day 4: Of all the things that could have happened, I had to be brought down by the Dusk Unicorn. My desperate fleeing must have startled her and she charged. No humanoid can outrun a stampeding Unicorn. While the horn missed my heart, the wound inflicted will soon prove fatal. I only hope I die before the Vines take me. If anyone should find this journal, I would ask of them that they take my journal, and use the magic item in my pocket to send it to my father. He will want to know that my quest in itself was a success. I’m sure that by now, he already knows I shall not return alive. To make what I ask of you simpler, I will use my last reserves of energy to get to the exit, even if I have to crawl there. Once you are clear of the Maze, you will be able to send my journal.”
The Journal of Reverend Evelyn Pureheart
“Day 1: I had a visit from a Divine Messenger today. But not from Avandra as I expected. The Messenger was from the Raven Queen. I was told about the plot of the Shadow Legion, and I was handed a map. The map shows the Path of Destiny, a path which those who have answered Destiny’s Calling must follow in order to foil the Shadow Legion’s diabolical scheme. I must get this map to them, and tell them what they must do!”
“Day 2: The Shadow Legion must be on to me. A strange man arrived in town today. Though he claims to be an archaeologist, his appearance, and in particular his hands, scream Assassin. Not only that, but I spy too many weapons, and too few tools for someone interested in ruins. He shows little interest in the battlefield to the north, only in keeping to himself, and studying the town’s layout.”
“Day 3: Now the Assassin seems more interested in the Barman, Hugh Jarse, and our Mayor. Someone must have tipped him off that these are not men to be taken lightly. But he seems to be paying no attention the blind wizard, or to Wash, my Captain. This may be his mistake. If need be I will seek their help. But as a member of the Watch, I have been trained well in dealing with hostilities.”
“Day 4: I can only assume that my would-be assassin has received some bad news. He seems nervous and irritable. Perhaps he has finally realized that he means nothing to the Shadow Legion. I may be able to use this to my advantage. I shall string him along for a few more days, get him on edge. He’ll be liable to slip up under pressure, and then I can dispose of him.”
“Day 9: I think I have waited long enough. The Assassin is very much on edge, very short tempered. In the morning, as I have done every day since he arrived, I shall head to the Evergreen Death. Even if I fail to eliminate him myself, the forest will finish the job. I have prepared my crossbow, and it is fully loaded. I have my Rapier as well, but I should hope I won’t need it.”
“Day 10: It seems I have underestimated the Assassin. His reactions were faster than I thought, and only one of the 3 bolts I fired at him hit. The element of surprise has passed, and he is forcing me deeper into the forest. But I know it better than he does. There are some inhabitants who will help me. The Eladrins in particular, would jump at the chance to repay a favour to me after I rescued those 3 young girls from that pack of Boars.”
“Day 11: My luck has run out. Ever since I saw the bodies of the Eladrin, I knew that today would be the day I died. Who would slaughter them? I guess it does not matter now. I am done for. Even with the help of that White Dragon, the wound inflicted upon me was dire. Poison I suspect. Not fatal, just crippling. But I have lured him into the Maze of Death, so neither of us will survive the night. Not even if this area truly is the so called safe zone, my wound is too serious. Worse still, is the sound of my people dying. The Shadow Legion have made their first major move. But Kraler is only the beginning. They will seek out more soon enough. The Castle in the Sky. The City of Stars. Elasmeer. All of these places are important to the Shadow Legion. But there are the Destined Ones. The Cowardly Cleric, the Bizarre Dragonborn, The Clumsy Rogue, The Raging Barbarian, The Ineffective Swordmage, The Pyromaniac. They are the biggest threat to the Shadow Legion, and they will be hunted relentlessly.”